Psalms 30:23

On Psalm xxxi. 22 . Of the Triumph of the Christian Faith.

30. These were the customs in the midst of which I, unhappy boy, was cast, and on that arena it was that I was more fearful of perpetrating a barbarism than, having done so, of envying those who had not. These things I declare and confess unto Thee, my God, for which I was applauded by them whom I then thought it my whole duty to please, for I did not perceive the gulf of infamy wherein I was cast away from Thine eyes. For in Thine eyes what was more infamous than I was already, displeasing even those like myself, deceiving with innumerable lies both tutor, and masters, and parents, from love of play, a desire to see frivolous spectacles, and a stage-stuck restlessness, to imitate them? Pilferings I committed from my parents’ cellar and table, either enslaved by gluttony, or that I might have something to give to boys who sold me their play, who, though they sold it, liked it as well as …

66. And thus have I reflected upon the wearinesses of my sins, in that threefold “lust,” and have invoked Thy right hand to my aid. For with a wounded heart have I seen Thy brightness, and being beaten back I exclaimed, “Who can attain unto it?” “I am cut off from before Thine eyes.” Thou art the Truth, who presidest over all things, but I, through my covetousness, wished not to lose Thee, but with Thee wished to possess a lie; as no one wishes so to speak falsely as himself to be ignorant of the truth. So then I lost Thee, because Thou deignest not to be enjoyed with a lie.

27. There are some things of this sort even of our Saviour in the Gospel, because the Lord of the Prophets deigned to be Himself also a Prophet. Such are those where, concerning the woman which had an issue of blood, He said, “Who touched Me?” and of Lazarus. “Where have ye laid him?” He asked, namely, as if not knowing that which in any wise He knew. And He did on this account feign that He knew not, that He might signify somewhat else by that His seeming ignorance: and since this signification was truthful, it was assuredly not a lie. For those were signified, whether by her which had the issue, or by him which had been four days dead, whom even He Who knew all things did in a certain sort know not. …

23. “I said in my ecstasy” ( ver. 22 ). Whence that people again speaking saith, I said in my fear, when the heathen were raging horribly against me. “I have been cast forth from the sight of Thine eyes.” For if Thou hadst regard to me, Thou wouldest not suffer me to endure these things. “Therefore Thou heardest, O Lord, the voice of my prayer, when I cried unto Thee.” Therefore putting a limit to correction, and showing that I have part in Thy care, Thou heardest, O Lord, the voice of my prayer, when I raised it high out of tribulation.

11. “I am become feeble, and am bowed down greatly” ( ver. 8 ). He who calls to mind the transcendent height of the Sabbath, sees how “greatly” he is himself “bowed down.” For he who cannot conceive what is that height of rest, sees not where he is at present. Therefore another Psalm hath said, “I said in my trance, I am cast out of the sight of Thine eyes.” For his mind being taken up thither, he beheld something sublime; and was not yet entirely there, where what he beheld was; and a kind of flash, as it were, if one may so speak, of the Eternal Light having glanced upon him, when he perceived that he was not yet arrived at this, which he was able after a sort to understand, he saw where he himself was, and how he was cramped and “bowed down” by human infirmities. …

30. “Poor and sorrowful I am” ( ver. 30 ). Why this? Is it that we may acknowledge that through bitterness of soul this poor One doth speak evil? For He hath spoken of many things to happen to them. And as if we were saying to Him, “Why such things?”, “Nay, not so much!” He answereth, “poor and sorrowful I am.” They have brought Me to want, unto this sorrow they have set Me down, therefore I say these words. It is not, however, the indignation of one cursing, but the prediction of one prophesying. For He was intending to recommend to us certain things which hereafter He saith of His poverty and His sorrow, in order that we may learn to be poor and sorrowful. …